After trying to conceive for 5 years and then finally bringing home a baby is the best and scariest feeling in the world. I don't ever want to forget the tears, the begging prayers, the pain of the treatments or the heartbreaking news that our little one didn't make it, but thankfully I'm finding that all of that seems like a different life. How does God do it?!
He has made the heartbreaking journey seem so perfect! I thought I would never be "ok" with what we went through but God changed my heart once again. I'm more than ok because He answered our prayers in His perfect timing not our "perfect" timing.
Yesterday I was cleaning out my glove box and found a blog that one of my good friends wrote for me after our 2nd miscarriage (shows how often I clean my glove box). When I started reading it I could not hold back the tears and huge lump in my throat. She had titled her blog:
A person's a person no matter how small...
She talks about waking up with a song in her head and the familiar lyrics standing out like they were written in neon. The chorus says, "You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name." She said that what this song is truly saying hit her hard.
She writes: 'My friend, throughout this horrible and painful journey that has been full of frustration and angst has not ever stopped blessing His name. She has shown patience and grace in a way that I don't think I ever could and she hasn't ever stopped leaning on God to get them through. She is a wonderful example to me of taking a situation that could easily have made her lash out at a God and doubt His grace and yet is still praising His name.' Now as I read her words I have no idea how I made her (or anyone else) feel this way. I was broken inside - broken to the max and still God was using me for His good even though I couldn't see it.
Looking back on those sad days, months and years I wonder how I made it though and still have friends. ;) I now realize that the saying, 'God won't give you more than you can handle' is true, it just doesn't feel like during the trial. I realize that I was handling my situation much better than I ever thought I was. Even though I was broken on the inside God used my stength (that I didn't now I had) to let people see Him at work! Melissa's blog meant so much to me the day she wrote it but looking back now it means even more to me. Thank you Melissa!
Now that Bennett has been with us for 8 weeks we are running forward! It's wonderful! I love being Bennett's mommy! She is growing up so fast and changing everyday. I know that I can't freeze time and keep her teeny tiny forever but I do know that I enjoy her everyday! My days (or nights) will never be the same and for that I thank God!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
still smiling? yes ma'am
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my scheduled 36 week check to find out that I'm already 1cm dilated and the doctor can feel Bennett's head. She's getting ready to meet the world!
But let's back up to the nightmare that was week 34.
With my hormones out of whack and the stress of school starting it's only natural that my face start breaking out. What's not natural is when you have a huge, deep under the skin zip that's mountain sized on the side of your cheek. And what's even more out of the ordinary is when the whole side of your face swells up enough that you are unrecognizable. Also this all happened on a weekend, of course!
I already had a Monday and Tuesday sub lined up so that I could test my kids (unknown genius plan;), I made it to school by 6:30ish Monday morning, got ready for my sub, left school about 7:30ish and went to my doctors dark waiting area where I waited for them to open. As soon as the secretary stepped out of the elevator and saw who I was she assured me that they would be able to squeeze me in first thing. To make a long story short...my face was lanced that same day and I was told that I had a staph infection. As the days go by my face is slowly healing and I'm scaring less and less people on the street.
Yesterday was the second time I'd been back to my doctors office since everything had happened, the nurse was commenting on how good my face is looking and then she said, "You've been through so much to get here and your still always smiling." I really didn't think much of her comment until this morning while driving to school with tears in my eyes as Bennett was doing her morning yoga stretches. As I felt each of her movements I thought, "How can I do anything but smile?"
I was reminded of the verse Luke 17:6.
The Lord answered, "If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,' and it would obey you!
Five years ago when this journey started I felt like I had faith the size of an apple. I knew that both of us (Zach and me) were healthy and I thought that bringing a baby into our family would be no trouble at all. As each year passed with no baby my faith seemed to get smaller and smaller. I realize now that the apple sized faith that I had was not complete faith in the Lord but faith in us. We can do this! When I thought my faith was "getting smaller" I was right, it was getting smaller in us but it was growing in the Lord because I realized that only He could make this happen! And when my faith got to the size of a small mustard seed (in Him), He did great things and we will have a sweet baby Bennett to prove just how faithful He is and always will be!
But let's back up to the nightmare that was week 34.
With my hormones out of whack and the stress of school starting it's only natural that my face start breaking out. What's not natural is when you have a huge, deep under the skin zip that's mountain sized on the side of your cheek. And what's even more out of the ordinary is when the whole side of your face swells up enough that you are unrecognizable. Also this all happened on a weekend, of course!
I already had a Monday and Tuesday sub lined up so that I could test my kids (unknown genius plan;), I made it to school by 6:30ish Monday morning, got ready for my sub, left school about 7:30ish and went to my doctors dark waiting area where I waited for them to open. As soon as the secretary stepped out of the elevator and saw who I was she assured me that they would be able to squeeze me in first thing. To make a long story short...my face was lanced that same day and I was told that I had a staph infection. As the days go by my face is slowly healing and I'm scaring less and less people on the street.
Yesterday was the second time I'd been back to my doctors office since everything had happened, the nurse was commenting on how good my face is looking and then she said, "You've been through so much to get here and your still always smiling." I really didn't think much of her comment until this morning while driving to school with tears in my eyes as Bennett was doing her morning yoga stretches. As I felt each of her movements I thought, "How can I do anything but smile?"
I was reminded of the verse Luke 17:6.
The Lord answered, "If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,' and it would obey you!
Five years ago when this journey started I felt like I had faith the size of an apple. I knew that both of us (Zach and me) were healthy and I thought that bringing a baby into our family would be no trouble at all. As each year passed with no baby my faith seemed to get smaller and smaller. I realize now that the apple sized faith that I had was not complete faith in the Lord but faith in us. We can do this! When I thought my faith was "getting smaller" I was right, it was getting smaller in us but it was growing in the Lord because I realized that only He could make this happen! And when my faith got to the size of a small mustard seed (in Him), He did great things and we will have a sweet baby Bennett to prove just how faithful He is and always will be!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
expecting the expected when expecting
Today we are 25 weeks pregnant with our little Bennett Nicole Ehlers!
The last 4 1/2 -5 years of fertility treatments were the worst, yet most meaningful, years of my life. During those years Zach and I became the couple that God needs us to be to shepherd this little girls heart to Him. We both realize that we aren't the 2 main ingredients running through Bennett's DNA, He is!!! And it's taken Him this long to condition our hearts, our minds and our support of one another to prepare us for this next journey in life...BENNETT NICOLE!
What I expected:
to be in love
to be a nervous wreck the whole pregnancy (because of 3 miscarriages)
to worry about every little thing
to only throw up the first few weeks
to stop gagging every time I brush my teeth
to not add stool softeners to my favorites list
to not have nose bleeds EVERY morning
to only have swollen hands and feet every now and then
to be able to still bend over and get up the same way
to be able to crawl out of bed the same way
to still look cute in a swimming suit
to feel little moves and kicks
What I had/have:
is more love flowing through me than I ever imagined!
is the peace that can only be from God!
is the comfort of knowing that He is in charge and loves Bennett more than I will ever know!
is so much nauseousness up until about 15 weeks ~ coffee smell still NOT good!
is still gagging while brushing ~ will this ever go back to normal?!
is wanting to buy stock in stool softeners!
is nose bleeds EVERY morning!
is SWELLING on these hot days!
is running to tt every time I bend over!
is making a plan just to get out of bed without stretching the wrong way!
is a new tankini that I'm making work till the end of summer! ;)
is waking up each morning just to feel all those sweet little moves and kicks!
I thank Him for giving us those 4 1/2-5 years to prepare for His sweet blessing, I thank Him for all these changes that I've had to make in my life so far (and the many more changes to come) because I know my body is doing exactly what it needs to do to keep Bennett healthy and I thank Him for giving Bennett a daddy that loves the Lord and her mama!
I know that all these little things that I just wrote about will go away and fade from my memory but one thing is for sure...I ALREADY LOVE BEING BENNETT'S MAMA and that will NEVER go away or fade from my memory!
The last 4 1/2 -5 years of fertility treatments were the worst, yet most meaningful, years of my life. During those years Zach and I became the couple that God needs us to be to shepherd this little girls heart to Him. We both realize that we aren't the 2 main ingredients running through Bennett's DNA, He is!!! And it's taken Him this long to condition our hearts, our minds and our support of one another to prepare us for this next journey in life...BENNETT NICOLE!
What I expected:
to be in love
to be a nervous wreck the whole pregnancy (because of 3 miscarriages)
to worry about every little thing
to only throw up the first few weeks
to stop gagging every time I brush my teeth
to not add stool softeners to my favorites list
to not have nose bleeds EVERY morning
to only have swollen hands and feet every now and then
to be able to still bend over and get up the same way
to be able to crawl out of bed the same way
to still look cute in a swimming suit
to feel little moves and kicks
What I had/have:
is more love flowing through me than I ever imagined!
is the peace that can only be from God!
is the comfort of knowing that He is in charge and loves Bennett more than I will ever know!
is so much nauseousness up until about 15 weeks ~ coffee smell still NOT good!
is still gagging while brushing ~ will this ever go back to normal?!
is wanting to buy stock in stool softeners!
is nose bleeds EVERY morning!
is SWELLING on these hot days!
is running to tt every time I bend over!
is making a plan just to get out of bed without stretching the wrong way!
is a new tankini that I'm making work till the end of summer! ;)
is waking up each morning just to feel all those sweet little moves and kicks!
I thank Him for giving us those 4 1/2-5 years to prepare for His sweet blessing, I thank Him for all these changes that I've had to make in my life so far (and the many more changes to come) because I know my body is doing exactly what it needs to do to keep Bennett healthy and I thank Him for giving Bennett a daddy that loves the Lord and her mama!
I know that all these little things that I just wrote about will go away and fade from my memory but one thing is for sure...I ALREADY LOVE BEING BENNETT'S MAMA and that will NEVER go away or fade from my memory!
"For this child I (we) prayed; and the LORD hath given me (us) my (our) petition which I (we) asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27
Sunday, April 22, 2012
1st trimester pictures
Our little BE during the first few weeks of life!
THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS LITTLE LIFE!
THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS LITTLE LIFE!
Love at first sight! Our BE at 6 weeks!
Zach's family didn't understand the sono picture and thought BE looked like a hamster.
This is why some still call BE, Ham.
This is also when we found out our due date is October 28 so others call BE, Boo!
Our love is growing along with little BE!
Our BE at 8 weeks!
BE was so active during this photo shoot that the ultrasound tech had a very hard time getting measurements!
Our BE at 10 weeks!
Our last doctor appointment with the fertility center!
Our BE at 11 weeks!
BE was not interested in the photo shoot during the first "real" doctor appointment.
Our BE at 12 weeks!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
God's calling the shots!
Well, well, well...look what has happened while I've been napping and making a comfy home for little BE!
The IVF shots that I had to give myself as well as the ones I have been recruiting family and friends to give me during these 4 treatments are FINALLY OVER!!!! Lat night (4/11/12) was my LAST ONE!!!
With each egg retrieval I got a red "shot box" for all the needles to be properly disposed of....and of course we still have each one over flowing with some of the needles, shots and other little mediciney things. We figured this picture would be great documentation for when we have to have the "do you see what we went through to get you!" conversation! ;) (I'm guessing junior high/high school years!;)
The shot-less nights are a very bittersweet time in our lives! This means that we have graduated from our fertility doctor (last appt tomorrow) and we are moving onto a "normal" OB/GYN! We really just don't know what to do with ourselves!
I really never sat down and thought about being at this point in my pregnancy but I can't count the number of times I have thought about stopping all the shots and just being a "normal" pregnant girl. That time has come and I must admit, I'm scared to death!
"What if they take me off the shots to soon? What if feeling too good means somethings wrong? What if... What if..." is making it's way into my mind more than I would like for it to. As these "what if's..." are sneaking into my mind I find myself leaning on God more often. I know that God hears my thoughts/prayers and that He is making little BE perfectly in His image! Knowing that TRUE FACT brings His peace to me every time! Plus, He already loves BE more than I can ever imagine loving him/her and that gives me peace and comfort in a way I can't explain!
Jeremiah 1:4-5 “The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
The IVF shots that I had to give myself as well as the ones I have been recruiting family and friends to give me during these 4 treatments are FINALLY OVER!!!! Lat night (4/11/12) was my LAST ONE!!!
With each egg retrieval I got a red "shot box" for all the needles to be properly disposed of....and of course we still have each one over flowing with some of the needles, shots and other little mediciney things. We figured this picture would be great documentation for when we have to have the "do you see what we went through to get you!" conversation! ;) (I'm guessing junior high/high school years!;)
I really never sat down and thought about being at this point in my pregnancy but I can't count the number of times I have thought about stopping all the shots and just being a "normal" pregnant girl. That time has come and I must admit, I'm scared to death!
"What if they take me off the shots to soon? What if feeling too good means somethings wrong? What if... What if..." is making it's way into my mind more than I would like for it to. As these "what if's..." are sneaking into my mind I find myself leaning on God more often. I know that God hears my thoughts/prayers and that He is making little BE perfectly in His image! Knowing that TRUE FACT brings His peace to me every time! Plus, He already loves BE more than I can ever imagine loving him/her and that gives me peace and comfort in a way I can't explain!
Jeremiah 1:4-5 “The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
...and the beat goes on...
God is SO good!!!!! I find myself thanking Him over and over and then going on with my day before I realize its been hours since I last thanked Him. I feel so guilty, beg for Him to forgive me and then thank Him some more! Some days I think God has put the cafeteria in the main building of my school just so that I will have to pass it, get nauseous and be reminded to thank Him once again! ;)
Matthew 19:26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
I realize that the doctors words of wisdom, the reassuring visits with the nurses and the sonograms (see that the beat is still going on!) are what I look forward to every 2 weeks but I know that there is nothing they (man) can do for little BE and/or me if something where to look abnormal. BUT with God all things are possible and He has allowed little BE to grow and for his/her heart to have the perfect rhythm. THANK YOU GOD!!!!
Today we fell in love all over again!!! The room was so quiet as we were watching little BEs heart beat, gazing at the way he/she is growing and changing when out of nowhere the sonogram nurse said, "OH! and started laughing a little." My heart sank as I looked closer at the sono screen for something unusual. "WHAT WHAT?!?!" "Did you see that? The baby just did a little jump! It's too tiny for you to feel but I just saw it!" 8week3days and already jumping, I have a feeling that God has given us these 4 1/2 years of TTC to rest up and get ready for the arrival of a little jumping BE!
Here's our little jumping BE! His/Her heart rate was 159!
“Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God." Matthew 19:14
Matthew 19:26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
I realize that the doctors words of wisdom, the reassuring visits with the nurses and the sonograms (see that the beat is still going on!) are what I look forward to every 2 weeks but I know that there is nothing they (man) can do for little BE and/or me if something where to look abnormal. BUT with God all things are possible and He has allowed little BE to grow and for his/her heart to have the perfect rhythm. THANK YOU GOD!!!!
Today we fell in love all over again!!! The room was so quiet as we were watching little BEs heart beat, gazing at the way he/she is growing and changing when out of nowhere the sonogram nurse said, "OH! and started laughing a little." My heart sank as I looked closer at the sono screen for something unusual. "WHAT WHAT?!?!" "Did you see that? The baby just did a little jump! It's too tiny for you to feel but I just saw it!" 8week3days and already jumping, I have a feeling that God has given us these 4 1/2 years of TTC to rest up and get ready for the arrival of a little jumping BE!
Here's our little jumping BE! His/Her heart rate was 159!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
more love to give after 5 years
March 9, 2007 and March 9, 2012 are two Fridays that I will NEVER forget!
March 9, 2007 was a family day filled with wedding planning, the sound of laughter, and our wedding rehearsal.
March 9, 2012 was a family day filled with God's planning, the sound of our sweet little BEs heart beat at 120 bpm, and our 5 year Anniversary party.
SO THANKFUL AND SO BLESSED!
My blood work showed that everything is going very well with me and little BE! My estrogen level was in the 4,000's and my progesterone was 23.
My stomach has remained swollen from all the fluid left behind due to the the egg retrieval (OHSS) and from my pregnant body producing so much more fluid. I was only 6 weeks pregnant the day we had our first sonogram but looked more like I was 14-17 weeks along. The day of the egg transfer (2/10) my doctor reminded me that bed rest would help the fluid go down much more quickly.
With that noted in the back of my mind I bed rested for that weekend and then hit the ground running come Monday morning. Needless to say over a month later and still "running" I realize that I should have noted that in the front of my mind and taken it a little easier. And that's exactly what I have done this Spring Break week!
It has been a great week of best friends, Kehm and Jen, and relaxation! The swelling has gone down more than I thought possible in one week! THANK YOU GOD!
We will get to see little BE again on Wednesday, March 21 and I can't wait!!!
We are THANKING GOD daily for our little miracle and praying for everything to continue to stay healthy! Please pray that BE's heart rate has gone up to a healthy 140-170 bpm and that he/she is being "fearful and wonderfully made."
I (We) prayed for this child,
and the LORD has granted me (us) what I (we) asked of him.
1 Samuel 1:27
Thank you Lord for hearing our prayers and for blessing us with our little BE. He/She is already loved so much and I thank you for loving him/her so much more than I can ever imagine! Please continue to keep little BE healthy! We praise you because BE is being fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Amen!
The tiny dot in the middle of the black circle is BE! I'm not even going to mention the cuteness because I'm sure you can all see it just as well as I can! <3
March 9, 2007 was a family day filled with wedding planning, the sound of laughter, and our wedding rehearsal.
March 9, 2012 was a family day filled with God's planning, the sound of our sweet little BEs heart beat at 120 bpm, and our 5 year Anniversary party.
SO THANKFUL AND SO BLESSED!
My blood work showed that everything is going very well with me and little BE! My estrogen level was in the 4,000's and my progesterone was 23.
My stomach has remained swollen from all the fluid left behind due to the the egg retrieval (OHSS) and from my pregnant body producing so much more fluid. I was only 6 weeks pregnant the day we had our first sonogram but looked more like I was 14-17 weeks along. The day of the egg transfer (2/10) my doctor reminded me that bed rest would help the fluid go down much more quickly.
With that noted in the back of my mind I bed rested for that weekend and then hit the ground running come Monday morning. Needless to say over a month later and still "running" I realize that I should have noted that in the front of my mind and taken it a little easier. And that's exactly what I have done this Spring Break week!
It has been a great week of best friends, Kehm and Jen, and relaxation! The swelling has gone down more than I thought possible in one week! THANK YOU GOD!
We will get to see little BE again on Wednesday, March 21 and I can't wait!!!
We are THANKING GOD daily for our little miracle and praying for everything to continue to stay healthy! Please pray that BE's heart rate has gone up to a healthy 140-170 bpm and that he/she is being "fearful and wonderfully made."
and the LORD has granted me (us) what I (we) asked of him.
1 Samuel 1:27
Thank you Lord for hearing our prayers and for blessing us with our little BE. He/She is already loved so much and I thank you for loving him/her so much more than I can ever imagine! Please continue to keep little BE healthy! We praise you because BE is being fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Amen!
The tiny dot in the middle of the black circle is BE! I'm not even going to mention the cuteness because I'm sure you can all see it just as well as I can! <3
Sunday, February 26, 2012
pray big, trust big
God has been so busy doing great things, I just can't seem to keep up with Him in my blogs!
Backing way up to Friday, February 10. My mom and I go into the doctors office (me with a VERY full bladder) only to learn that we are still waiting on the biopsy results from Maryland. I am still taken to the back, sonogramed, confirmed full bladder and that I have lots of fluid in my abdomen. This usually happens when they get this many eggs but thankfully the doctor confirms that I'm still ok to get the transfer today! THANK YOU GOD! I'm finally allowed to tt "just a little out to make me more comfortable." We sit and wait until my bladder is full again, another sono and get to tt a little more out. It is now about 12:20ish, the nurse comes in to say that they have gotten word from Maryland that our test results won't be back until 3:30. I run to the bathroom! Are you kidding me?!?! We have to wait longer to hear how healthy our littles are?!?
Mama and I go eat, find a cute shop with lots of antique couches that I sit on all over the store because I'm now full of fluid and food! OUCHIE!
Around 3pm we are back in the parking lot sitting in the sun and filling my bladder again. We go into the office for more sonos and waiting, THEN FINALLY word from Maryland!
Out of the 10 that were biopsied we had 3 healthy little Ehlers eggs!!! SO HAPPY!!! They put back baby #2 and baby #10.........TODAY'S DATE!!! ;)
Now starts the dreaded TWW (two week wait)! I go back in for blood work Wednesday, February 15 and learn that my hormone levels are looking good! THANK YOU GOD!!!!
FINALLY the TWW is over! I go in Wednesday, February 22, get my blood work done and then leave the office just to wait again for the phone call! The call comes about 12:50ish (during recess) and I bust out in tears after learning THAT GOD HAS MOVED A MOUNTAIN! IT'S A HEALTHY POSITIVE!!!! My HCG level is in the 200's!!!! In most healthy pregnancies the HCG level will double within 48-72 hours so I'm asked to come back for more blood work on Friday. It was 488!!!
ZACH AND I ARE THANKING GOD EVERY MINUTE!
Now once again we are waiting for another two weeks. UGH!!! We will go in for our first sonogram Friday, March 9. We can't wait to see a perfect heartbeat(s) and to meet out little BE('s) (Baby Ehlers)!
We are continuing to PRAY BIG, TRUST BIG!
And Jesus answered saying to them, "Have faith in God. Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him. Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you." (Mark 11:22-24)
To me, the "believes" in verse 24 means "Trust me with your prayers. I hear them and will use them to glorify my name." His answers could be quite different from the mountains I wanted cast into the sea. I wouldn't be writing this today had I not had the gift of those four years dealing with infertility. Yes, I said gift. God DID hear my (our) prayers. My relationship with Him grew exponentially as He was my constant source of strength. (Thank you to Join the Journey)
My 2nd Graders wrote this in the "sight word" workstation!
Backing way up to Friday, February 10. My mom and I go into the doctors office (me with a VERY full bladder) only to learn that we are still waiting on the biopsy results from Maryland. I am still taken to the back, sonogramed, confirmed full bladder and that I have lots of fluid in my abdomen. This usually happens when they get this many eggs but thankfully the doctor confirms that I'm still ok to get the transfer today! THANK YOU GOD! I'm finally allowed to tt "just a little out to make me more comfortable." We sit and wait until my bladder is full again, another sono and get to tt a little more out. It is now about 12:20ish, the nurse comes in to say that they have gotten word from Maryland that our test results won't be back until 3:30. I run to the bathroom! Are you kidding me?!?! We have to wait longer to hear how healthy our littles are?!?
Mama and I go eat, find a cute shop with lots of antique couches that I sit on all over the store because I'm now full of fluid and food! OUCHIE!
Around 3pm we are back in the parking lot sitting in the sun and filling my bladder again. We go into the office for more sonos and waiting, THEN FINALLY word from Maryland!
Out of the 10 that were biopsied we had 3 healthy little Ehlers eggs!!! SO HAPPY!!! They put back baby #2 and baby #10.........TODAY'S DATE!!! ;)
Now starts the dreaded TWW (two week wait)! I go back in for blood work Wednesday, February 15 and learn that my hormone levels are looking good! THANK YOU GOD!!!!
FINALLY the TWW is over! I go in Wednesday, February 22, get my blood work done and then leave the office just to wait again for the phone call! The call comes about 12:50ish (during recess) and I bust out in tears after learning THAT GOD HAS MOVED A MOUNTAIN! IT'S A HEALTHY POSITIVE!!!! My HCG level is in the 200's!!!! In most healthy pregnancies the HCG level will double within 48-72 hours so I'm asked to come back for more blood work on Friday. It was 488!!!
ZACH AND I ARE THANKING GOD EVERY MINUTE!
Now once again we are waiting for another two weeks. UGH!!! We will go in for our first sonogram Friday, March 9. We can't wait to see a perfect heartbeat(s) and to meet out little BE('s) (Baby Ehlers)!
We are continuing to PRAY BIG, TRUST BIG!
And Jesus answered saying to them, "Have faith in God. Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him. Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you." (Mark 11:22-24)
To me, the "believes" in verse 24 means "Trust me with your prayers. I hear them and will use them to glorify my name." His answers could be quite different from the mountains I wanted cast into the sea. I wouldn't be writing this today had I not had the gift of those four years dealing with infertility. Yes, I said gift. God DID hear my (our) prayers. My relationship with Him grew exponentially as He was my constant source of strength. (Thank you to Join the Journey)
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
heart sock Sunday and more
We were SO happy that they were able to get 16 eggs from the retrieval. YAY GOD! My mom, Zach and the nurses were in the room with me celebrating the great news when crazy started happening. The nurses had already removed my IV and were preparing me to go home when I started violently throwing up. I had done this before so it didn't surprise anyone too much until my blood pressure and heart rate dropped very low. This is when I passed out, the nurses called the doctor, my mom ran out of the room and Zach stayed by my side until the doctors asked him to leave. The nurses IV'ed me again plus added another line for more fluids.
I really have no idea what happened after that or how long I was "out" but I remember waking up to everyone shouting my name and asking if I could hear them. I could hear all the different conversations going on but I couldn't make myself answer anyone. It was like I was in a movie, such a strange feeling. Thank you, God, for being in that room with us (I can't imagine what would have happened if we didn't have our heart socks on;) and thank you to my nurses, doctors and husband for staying calm and taking care of me! Of course, they had never had a patient do anything like this before!
Hours later (everyone still showing their heart socks) I was able to sit up and walk to the restroom with the nurses assistance so they decided that I was ready to go home.
I went straight to bed and finally was able to get up and around very slowly yesterday (Tuesday) morning. Today has been a much better day and I even think my color is getting back to "normal."
Even greater news that we got earlier today is that 10 out of our 13 fertilized eggs have grown into embryos and were able to be biopsied this morning. The 10 cells will arrive in Maryland today and start their testing ASAP! We should know test results Friday. Please join us in prayer that there are 2 healthy baby Ehlers to transfer on Friday and more to freeze for later when we need a brother or sister! ;)
Thank you so much to everyone that sent fun pictures letting us know that you were and are praying for us! I know that someday our little one(s) will enjoying seeing how many prayer warriors were praying the day that God made them.
And Jesus answered and said to them, "Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen. And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." (Matthew 21:21-22)
Friday, February 3, 2012
wearing my Sunday best, are you?
We will have our little eggies taken out Sunday, February 5 at 9:00am! Kehm, my mom and I will be praying as well as wearing our Sunday best socks with hearts and I LOVE YOU! If you would like to do the same I would love to get texts or be tagged in Facebook photos of the heart and/or I love you socks you choose to wear in support of our little ones! What a great way for me to show him/her how many people were praying special prayers for them on the day God made them!
Matthew 18:19-20 "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."
Of course I can't talk about our little ones and ask you to pray for them without showing you pictures of just a few!!! Look how sweet they are! ;)
Your support and prayers mean so much to us! Thank you!
Of course I can't talk about our little ones and ask you to pray for them without showing you pictures of just a few!!! Look how sweet they are! ;)
Your support and prayers mean so much to us! Thank you!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
ehlers on the move
Before I rush into the school building to greet all my little 2nd graders I have been getting up at 5:15am four out of five days this week to drive to San Antonio for my 7:30 doctor appointments. It has been tiring BUT VERY REWARDING! I have gotten to see my follicles go from teeny tiny to egg-normous! Today the shocking news came that they will be taking the little eggies no later than Monday, so probably Sunday morning. BUT WAIT, SO SOON? THAT WASN'T OUR PLAN BECAUSE TODAY IS 2/2/1012, WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!!! and I (along with my mom, Zach's mom and some friends) have made plans to spend the weekend cleaning it and getting it ready to be filled with our own dirt. PANIC...I will never get all of this done in time! One short weekend to clean the house, move in the small stuff, get it ready for Zach to move in the big stuff, have my eggs taken AND fertilized! OH MY...what a weekend!
But as usual God stopped me in my crazy tracks and reminded me that He has our plan under control! We walked out of the title company doors to see a beautiful rainbow! His promise to us!
But as usual God stopped me in my crazy tracks and reminded me that He has our plan under control! We walked out of the title company doors to see a beautiful rainbow! His promise to us!
Genesis 9:16 "When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth."
Please continue to pray that we are on the move to becoming parents, that these sweet little follicles grow into healthy babies that we can love on VERY soon! Your prayers and support mean so much to us! THANK YOU!
Please continue to pray that we are on the move to becoming parents, that these sweet little follicles grow into healthy babies that we can love on VERY soon! Your prayers and support mean so much to us! THANK YOU!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
some simple 'S'
School, Students, Shots, Sonograms/Sticks, Shipping, Stirrups (I can't believe I just typed that for the world to see but this experience has made me realize that there are NO secrets when going through IVF!), Surrender (with Song)
Let's start with 'S' number 1 ~ School!
Thanking God daily for my new long term to hire (I hope) sub job! I'm enjoying being back in the classroom and I think the distractions will be great as we get back in the swing of yet another IVF treatment.
'S' number 2 is very important ~ Students!
Please pray for these little ones! They have taken over my mind and are quickly moving down to take over my heart. They need love, they need to understand why being able to read is SO important in life and we need to move mountains in the classroom in a short period of time!
Now 'S' number 3 ~ Shots!
Morning tummy shots will start tomorrow! I've pretty much gotten to be a pro at this but prayers are still VERY welcome!
'S' 4/5 ~ Sonograms/Sticks!
As you all know (because you've been through many IVF treatments with us) I get a sonogram every time I go to the dr. This is to make sure my ovaries are producing perfect follicles to make perfect babies! A HUGE PRAYER REQUEST!
The sticks go right along with the sonos. For some reason they can't get enough of my blood in that place! I have even mentioned that I watch CSI and I know that all they need is a teeny tiny amount of blood to get tons of info about me, still they take vials of it!
'S' number six is a new thing ~ Shipping!
This IVF treatment is going to have a little something special along with it. After suffering through 3 miscarriages we have decided to have a biopsy done on each fertilized egg. The cell that is biopsied will be shipped to Maryland for lots of testing. PRAYING ALL ARE HEALTHY!
Of course 'S' number 7 ~ Stirrups!
I really don't think this one needs any explaining! ;)
The best 'S' for last number 8 ~ Surrender!
SING IT WITH ME NOW.....
All to Jesus, I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
Refrain
I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessèd Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.
Refrain
All to Jesus, I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.
Refrain
All to Jesus, I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me.
Refrain
All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!
Refrain
Please keep us in your prayers as we are starting another heart tugging IVF treatment! I can't explain the hope, worry, heartache, excitement and not to mention all the hormones that are flowing through my body all at once, with that being said PLEASE pray for His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness (hormones can bring out the worst in ya;), gentleness, self control and understanding to be with us throughout the whole process! Your prayers make this so much easier for us and for that we THANK YOU!
Let's start with 'S' number 1 ~ School!
Thanking God daily for my new long term to hire (I hope) sub job! I'm enjoying being back in the classroom and I think the distractions will be great as we get back in the swing of yet another IVF treatment.
'S' number 2 is very important ~ Students!
Please pray for these little ones! They have taken over my mind and are quickly moving down to take over my heart. They need love, they need to understand why being able to read is SO important in life and we need to move mountains in the classroom in a short period of time!
Now 'S' number 3 ~ Shots!
Morning tummy shots will start tomorrow! I've pretty much gotten to be a pro at this but prayers are still VERY welcome!
'S' 4/5 ~ Sonograms/Sticks!
As you all know (because you've been through many IVF treatments with us) I get a sonogram every time I go to the dr. This is to make sure my ovaries are producing perfect follicles to make perfect babies! A HUGE PRAYER REQUEST!
The sticks go right along with the sonos. For some reason they can't get enough of my blood in that place! I have even mentioned that I watch CSI and I know that all they need is a teeny tiny amount of blood to get tons of info about me, still they take vials of it!
'S' number six is a new thing ~ Shipping!
This IVF treatment is going to have a little something special along with it. After suffering through 3 miscarriages we have decided to have a biopsy done on each fertilized egg. The cell that is biopsied will be shipped to Maryland for lots of testing. PRAYING ALL ARE HEALTHY!
Of course 'S' number 7 ~ Stirrups!
I really don't think this one needs any explaining! ;)
The best 'S' for last number 8 ~ Surrender!
SING IT WITH ME NOW.....
All to Jesus, I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
Refrain
I surrender all, I surrender all,
All to Thee, my blessèd Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.
Refrain
All to Jesus, I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.
Refrain
All to Jesus, I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me.
Refrain
All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!
Refrain
Please keep us in your prayers as we are starting another heart tugging IVF treatment! I can't explain the hope, worry, heartache, excitement and not to mention all the hormones that are flowing through my body all at once, with that being said PLEASE pray for His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness (hormones can bring out the worst in ya;), gentleness, self control and understanding to be with us throughout the whole process! Your prayers make this so much easier for us and for that we THANK YOU!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
New Year, Same (God's) Plan
"Then Job replied to the LORD: 'I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.' ...My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." Job 42:1-2, 5 (NIV 1984)
God never changes. His power to give a future and hope never change. His Word never changes. So when life weaves stories of doubt and hopelessness in God's authority over circumstances, I reread accounts of His faithfulness and redemption. I refer back to the Truth...
All the while Job's family, home, crops and health demolished...God was preparing to give him double of what was killed, stolen, lost and damaged.
The time Joseph was a slave and prisoner...God was planning for him to be second in command over Egypt.
When Ruth was a homeless, barren widow...God was creating a home in Boaz's heart for her to be a wife, and mother, and great, great, great-grandmother to His Son.
As Lazarus was bound in grave clothes...God was forming the breath that'd give him new life.
The moment David laid down in adultery...God was laying the groundwork for him to rise up in repentance.
Every time Saul crucified Christians...God saw Paul preaching the crucified Christ.
With each strike that Sarai beat Hagar with...God saw Sarah beating her jealousy, pride and doubt with the birth of Isaac.
When Esther was an orphaned girl shaking in fear for her life...God made a way for His daughter to shake a kingdom and save His people.
As Rahab welcomed men into the shelter of her bed...God saw her sheltering the spies on her roof.
When Peter lost faith and denied Christ...God saw him bringing many to faith as he proclaimed Christ.
As Moses killed an Egyptian with his hands...God saw him chiseling the Ten Commandments with those same hands.
At the time Mary saw Jesus die...God saw Jesus resurrected and seated on His heavenly throne!
As Zach and Jessica pray faithfully to expand their family...God sees?
No matter what the dire, dreary circumstances, God turned each into a hopeful future.
Our key verse assures us, none of His plans can be thwarted. Despite what is happening in life, these stories of redemption and hope speak the truth. God can and will reverse, restore, revive and renew. He sees beyond the present troubles and is sparking a fire to light up the future with hope.
As we begin this New Year, let's be on the lookout for His plans to come to pass. And trust Him that He can take any circumstance and use it for our good and His glory.
Dear Lord, I'm so grateful You not only see my future, but You've planned it. Thank You for Your faithfulness last year. And for recording these stories of lives You turned dreary pasts into hopeful futures. I ask that You do the same for my circumstances this New Year please. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
(Thank you for the devotional Cari!)
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