I known that I have many things to be thankful for but with our third miscarriage behind us and the holiday season is quickly approaching I have been searching my heart and I realize that I have more than I could ever imagine. My God, my family (including Meg and Dayzee), my friends and my prayer team are at the top of my list!!! THANK YOU for all of your prayers and support!
But I realize that there is one guy at the tip top of my list. I could never imagine going through so many praises and disappointments with anyone else beside this wonderful man that chose to marry me almost 5 years ago.
Zach is by far the best man for me! We want to be a mommy and daddy so badly but I am so thankful for our little family of 4 (including Meg and Dayzee). We (He has;) have come so far in our marriage and I really am so proud of that fact! Through this infertility challenge that God has given us we have learned to love God, lean on and trust God, to communicate, to give and receive hiney hormone shots, to laugh, to cry and to hold each other when no one else understands the pain in our hearts. My crazy fits of hormone rage (few and far between;) have become an early to bed night for both of us as we await a brand new day. I have cried on his shoulder assuring him that he would already be a daddy if he would have married someone else and he assures me that he didn't marry me for my healthy uterus but for my face, my heart and smarts (ok, I added that last one;). Zach doesn't always know the perfect thing that I need to hear during this emotional roller coaster and for that I am more thankful because it teaches me to listen to God's perfect words.
I could make these holidays miserable for both of us but every time I look into the eyes of the man that God gave me I am thankful and it reminds me of the great things that God has already done in my life!
I thank God for Zach daily, I pray for Zach daily and I am proud to be Mrs. Ehlers daily!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
26 ehlers angels
This third (and hopefully final) miscarriage has been very different from the others. The other two were during the days that I didn't want many people knowing what was going on in our fertility world. This time we can tell that there are so many peace and comfort prayers going up for us and we THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts! I have gotten so many 'praying for you', 'thinking of you', 'how are you?', 'I'm here for you' phone calls, texts and facebook messages that it has truly been very heart warming!
During many of my conversations we have talked about the fertilized eggs and all of the "science" that goes on behind the scenes. It was during some of these phone calls that I realized that God already knew all about our little ones. God reveals to us in His Word that not only does life begin at conception, but He knows who we are even before then (Jeremiah 1:5). King David said this about God's role in our conception: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb . . . your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:13, 16).
Every time I ended one of those conversations my mind was going 90mph and then it hit.....OH MY WORD!!!.....Zach and I have 26 babies in Heaven! Two miscarriages + 14 fertilized eggs from IVF#1 + 10 fertilized eggs from IVF#2 = 26 BABIES!!!! Who is taking care of them????
I know that at the beginning of this my grandparents in Heaven stepped right up and invited everyone of those sweet babies into their mansion but as the years have gone on and baby after baby comes in I'm sure they are past their limit! I can just see my grandma marching all 26 little darlings down the streets of gold and dividing them up between them, Zach's two granddads and my aunt Debbie. I'm sure grandma and Debbie have it all planned out which kid goes where and when it is time to switch. I'm also sure that they are begging God to leave a few on Earth for the rest of us to take care of and love!!! ;)
I'm still not sure what our next step will be but I'm putting my HOPE in the Lord! I HOPE He so sick and tired of hearing all of us and all the caregivers of 26 Ehlers babies in Heaven begging Him for a sweet healthy baby Ehlers that next time He will give in and make it happen! ;)
We are waiting for His perfect timing! Thanks again for all the prayers!
During many of my conversations we have talked about the fertilized eggs and all of the "science" that goes on behind the scenes. It was during some of these phone calls that I realized that God already knew all about our little ones. God reveals to us in His Word that not only does life begin at conception, but He knows who we are even before then (Jeremiah 1:5). King David said this about God's role in our conception: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb . . . your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:13, 16).
Every time I ended one of those conversations my mind was going 90mph and then it hit.....OH MY WORD!!!.....Zach and I have 26 babies in Heaven! Two miscarriages + 14 fertilized eggs from IVF#1 + 10 fertilized eggs from IVF#2 = 26 BABIES!!!! Who is taking care of them????
I know that at the beginning of this my grandparents in Heaven stepped right up and invited everyone of those sweet babies into their mansion but as the years have gone on and baby after baby comes in I'm sure they are past their limit! I can just see my grandma marching all 26 little darlings down the streets of gold and dividing them up between them, Zach's two granddads and my aunt Debbie. I'm sure grandma and Debbie have it all planned out which kid goes where and when it is time to switch. I'm also sure that they are begging God to leave a few on Earth for the rest of us to take care of and love!!! ;)
I'm still not sure what our next step will be but I'm putting my HOPE in the Lord! I HOPE He so sick and tired of hearing all of us and all the caregivers of 26 Ehlers babies in Heaven begging Him for a sweet healthy baby Ehlers that next time He will give in and make it happen! ;)
We are waiting for His perfect timing! Thanks again for all the prayers!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
no words....
There are no words to describe the physical hurt in my heart and my whole body right now.
My hcg level is still rising but not enough for a healthy pregnancy.
Zach and I are both heart-broken but we know that God has a plan for us! Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. With this promise we know that His will be done and we are still giving Him all the glory!
I'm not sure what our next step will be but hopefully my next blog will be a little more upbeat!
We want to thank each and everyone for all the prayers! Please continue to pray for peace and comfort as my body gets rid of all these hormones and starts going back to "normal."
We want to send a HUGE THANK YOU to our prayer team for all the BOLD prayers and for the other mind blowing things that God has allowed them to do for us! I am in shock at how wonderful it is to be surrounded by true God fearing prayer warriors! IT'S AMAZING!
My hcg level is still rising but not enough for a healthy pregnancy.
Zach and I are both heart-broken but we know that God has a plan for us! Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. With this promise we know that His will be done and we are still giving Him all the glory!
I'm not sure what our next step will be but hopefully my next blog will be a little more upbeat!
We want to thank each and everyone for all the prayers! Please continue to pray for peace and comfort as my body gets rid of all these hormones and starts going back to "normal."
We want to send a HUGE THANK YOU to our prayer team for all the BOLD prayers and for the other mind blowing things that God has allowed them to do for us! I am in shock at how wonderful it is to be surrounded by true God fearing prayer warriors! IT'S AMAZING!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
thank you God!
WE ARE PRAISING GOD AND GIVING HIM ALL THE GLORY!
Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever ... 1 Chron 16:34.
.. stand every morning to thank and praise the LORD, and likewise at evening ... 1 Chron 23:30.
So we, Your people and sheep of Your pasture, will give You thanks forever; We will show forth Your praise to all generations ... Psalm 79:13.
The nurse called back with good news!!!! My hcg level (pregnancy hormone) went up the 66% the doctor was hoping for!!! Thursday it was 25 and today it's at 40. This number is still on the low side so they are watching me closely and carefully not to miss anything!!! I will go back Wednesday for more blood work to make sure my hcg level is still going up. Please pray that my hcg level is in the higher part of the 100's by then and that my estrogen level is where it needs to be to make this pregnancy stay healthy!!!!
I am still in shock and I know that this is only something God can do!!!! I know that all of our prayers, your prayers and our prayer teams prayers have made this happen! Matthew 18:19-20 "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."
We can not thank you enough for your prayers, it means SO much!!!
Please keep BOLDLY praying: peace for Zach and me, for hormone levels to keep going up, and for this little Ehlers to keep growing to be perfectly and wonderfully made! We are praying for a very happy ending this time!!!
Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever ... 1 Chron 16:34.
.. stand every morning to thank and praise the LORD, and likewise at evening ... 1 Chron 23:30.
So we, Your people and sheep of Your pasture, will give You thanks forever; We will show forth Your praise to all generations ... Psalm 79:13.
The nurse called back with good news!!!! My hcg level (pregnancy hormone) went up the 66% the doctor was hoping for!!! Thursday it was 25 and today it's at 40. This number is still on the low side so they are watching me closely and carefully not to miss anything!!! I will go back Wednesday for more blood work to make sure my hcg level is still going up. Please pray that my hcg level is in the higher part of the 100's by then and that my estrogen level is where it needs to be to make this pregnancy stay healthy!!!!
I am still in shock and I know that this is only something God can do!!!! I know that all of our prayers, your prayers and our prayer teams prayers have made this happen! Matthew 18:19-20 "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."
We can not thank you enough for your prayers, it means SO much!!!
Please keep BOLDLY praying: peace for Zach and me, for hormone levels to keep going up, and for this little Ehlers to keep growing to be perfectly and wonderfully made! We are praying for a very happy ending this time!!!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
pray for #1
Well I had my blog all written out to tell everyone that my test was negative due to the symptoms (or lack of) but God had other plans......
The nurse called about 10:40 to tell me that my pg is a very low positive (25)......WAIT, WHAT?!?!?!?!? YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY!!!! I told her there was no way this could be correct because I'm spotting SO badly! She said the spotting could be because my estrogen level has gone from almost 400 to 91. She informed me that my progesterone was still very good (33) but I needed to add another estrogen patch so that hopefully we can get it back up!
There are 3 things that can happen:
1) my hcg level and estrogen can go up and we can continue with a healthy pregnancy!!!!!! they would like to see my hcg level rising quickly and be MUCH higher Saturday morning!
2) chemical pregnancy. this would mean that the sack formed but there is no baby.
3) ectopic pregnancy. an abnormal pregnancy that occurs outside the womb.
I AM BEGGING YOU TO PLEASE DROP TO YOUR KNEES AND PRAY FOR NUMBER 1!!!!!!!
Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God..."
The nurse called about 10:40 to tell me that my pg is a very low positive (25)......WAIT, WHAT?!?!?!?!? YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY!!!! I told her there was no way this could be correct because I'm spotting SO badly! She said the spotting could be because my estrogen level has gone from almost 400 to 91. She informed me that my progesterone was still very good (33) but I needed to add another estrogen patch so that hopefully we can get it back up!
There are 3 things that can happen:
1) my hcg level and estrogen can go up and we can continue with a healthy pregnancy!!!!!! they would like to see my hcg level rising quickly and be MUCH higher Saturday morning!
2) chemical pregnancy. this would mean that the sack formed but there is no baby.
3) ectopic pregnancy. an abnormal pregnancy that occurs outside the womb.
I AM BEGGING YOU TO PLEASE DROP TO YOUR KNEES AND PRAY FOR NUMBER 1!!!!!!!
Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!
Deuteronomy 31:8 It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God..."
Thursday, September 22, 2011
eggs, embryos and ehlers
This has been a hurry up and wait kind of week!
Monday I nervously went in for the retrieval of all those sweet little eggs that have been taking over my body. To my surprise the doctor was able to retrieve 25 eggs!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!! My pain level has been much less than the last retrieval! ANOTHER PRAISE!
After the retrieval I was whisked away (by my mom) to my acupuncture session. I am not able to give you many details after this part of the day due to some great medications! ANOTHER PRAISE ;)! But I do remember that the acupuncture was very relaxing and I enjoyed sleeping right through it!
It is very great to have a family that will surround you in your time of need and I can't thank my mom (and Zach) enough for being here for me! The only bad thing is that we are very funny people (if I do say so myself) so my Tuesday was spent being very lazy, holding a heating pad on my tummy and saying, "Don't make me laugh!" ;) BUT I did receive good news Tuesday morning...10 of our eggs fertilized!!! ANOTHER PRAISE!!! Wednesday was sort of a repeat of Tuesday but I went to another enjoyable acupuncture session.
So that brings us to Thursday (TODAY)!!!!! I went back to the doctor and they put in two of the most perfect little eggs I have ever seen! I'm already in love!!!
Please continue to join Zach, me, our friends and family and our prayer team as we pray for these sweet, little Ehlers to snuggle in and make themselves comfy for the next nine months! We are also praying that my hormone levels elevate enough to maintain a healthy pregnancy!!!
Here is a picture of our two sweet embryos! Aren't they the cutest things you've ever seen?!
Matthew 7:7
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Monday I nervously went in for the retrieval of all those sweet little eggs that have been taking over my body. To my surprise the doctor was able to retrieve 25 eggs!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!! My pain level has been much less than the last retrieval! ANOTHER PRAISE!
After the retrieval I was whisked away (by my mom) to my acupuncture session. I am not able to give you many details after this part of the day due to some great medications! ANOTHER PRAISE ;)! But I do remember that the acupuncture was very relaxing and I enjoyed sleeping right through it!
It is very great to have a family that will surround you in your time of need and I can't thank my mom (and Zach) enough for being here for me! The only bad thing is that we are very funny people (if I do say so myself) so my Tuesday was spent being very lazy, holding a heating pad on my tummy and saying, "Don't make me laugh!" ;) BUT I did receive good news Tuesday morning...10 of our eggs fertilized!!! ANOTHER PRAISE!!! Wednesday was sort of a repeat of Tuesday but I went to another enjoyable acupuncture session.
So that brings us to Thursday (TODAY)!!!!! I went back to the doctor and they put in two of the most perfect little eggs I have ever seen! I'm already in love!!!
Please continue to join Zach, me, our friends and family and our prayer team as we pray for these sweet, little Ehlers to snuggle in and make themselves comfy for the next nine months! We are also praying that my hormone levels elevate enough to maintain a healthy pregnancy!!!
Here is a picture of our two sweet embryos! Aren't they the cutest things you've ever seen?!
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Follicle Fiesta!
This is a sonogram photo of my left ovary with close to 10 follicles. I know that many of you have no idea what you are looking at so I will explain what I think I know (if you are a dr reading this, you can nicely correct me by commenting, thank you!;)
I will start with the health class basics: Each lady has a left ovary and a right ovary. Each month one ovary forms a follicle, which holds one egg. When it is time for that lady to ovulate the follicle releases the egg so that it can slowly slide down the fallopian tube to the uterus. And I think we all know the rest of the story! ;)
As you can clearly see from the photo the hormones that I have been taking worked! My left ovary has made more follicles but my right one isn't far behind! The sono lady said it's looking like we will be getting a follicle count in the high teens or twenties, which means we will HOPEFULLY be getting that many eggs! Just the number we have been praying for!!! Thank you God!
I will be going in for the egg retrieval at 9 in the morning! Please join our friends, family and prayer team as we will all be praying for MANY HEALTHY eggs, great fertilization, many healthy growing embryos and please be praying for my pain to be much less this time around!
Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)
Thank you to everyone that has commented and emailed to check on me and let me know that you, your friends and family are praying for us! I truly feel very blessed to have all of you in my life!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
FedEx delivered CRAZY today!
As many of you already know I am not normal but I feel that I'm far from CRAZY! ;) That is until I'm standing in front of the FedEx guy signing for my crazy in a box. After the signing of the package is usually when the crazy starts, way before I start shooting, sticking and swallowing hormones.
So this blog serves two purposes: an update to most and a warning to those of you that are planning on being around me in the next 4 weeks! I am usually an easy going, fun, loving person but you (or I) never know what my emotion will be at any given moment when on these hormones. Something that would be funny one minute can be the saddest thing I've ever heard the next minute and not to mention I could laugh, cry, scream/shout, hug you or kick you without any warning. These hormones that I'm shooting, sticking and swallowing also change my body temperature which means that I might take my clothes off to wipe all the sweat from my body. Please be aware that this could happen in the privacy of my own home or in any public place!
To sum up this blog, CRAZY has entered our lives as these hormones are about to take over my body, mind and sweat glands.
Matthew 21:22 (NKJV)
"And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
If you are a praying person PLEASE join our family, friends and our amazing prayer team with PRAYER and BELIEVING that these hormones will allow my body to produce many (in the 20s) HEALTHY EGGS so that Zach and I will RECEIVE a sweet, healthy baby or babies!
To clear up some of the confusion for you and me...This is our second fresh IVF treatment but I know that I'm confusing folks because I keep saying our third IVF treatment. We did a fresh IVF (unsuccessful), then we used our frozen embryos for another transfer (FET ~ frozen embryo transfer (unsuccessful)) but I called it an IVF treatment because I didn't know what I was talking about back then. Now that I'm so much more educated in the IVF/FET department I'm sharing my knowledge with all of you! So I can understand why you're confused...it's because I was confused! And if you have any questions about this please ask me after all my hormones have gone back to normal (praying it's after I'm holding a sweet baby or babies) so that I don't have to cry or shout at you without any warning! ;) J/K feel free to ask questions!
So this blog serves two purposes: an update to most and a warning to those of you that are planning on being around me in the next 4 weeks! I am usually an easy going, fun, loving person but you (or I) never know what my emotion will be at any given moment when on these hormones. Something that would be funny one minute can be the saddest thing I've ever heard the next minute and not to mention I could laugh, cry, scream/shout, hug you or kick you without any warning. These hormones that I'm shooting, sticking and swallowing also change my body temperature which means that I might take my clothes off to wipe all the sweat from my body. Please be aware that this could happen in the privacy of my own home or in any public place!
To sum up this blog, CRAZY has entered our lives as these hormones are about to take over my body, mind and sweat glands.
Matthew 21:22 (NKJV)
"And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
If you are a praying person PLEASE join our family, friends and our amazing prayer team with PRAYER and BELIEVING that these hormones will allow my body to produce many (in the 20s) HEALTHY EGGS so that Zach and I will RECEIVE a sweet, healthy baby or babies!
To clear up some of the confusion for you and me...This is our second fresh IVF treatment but I know that I'm confusing folks because I keep saying our third IVF treatment. We did a fresh IVF (unsuccessful), then we used our frozen embryos for another transfer (FET ~ frozen embryo transfer (unsuccessful)) but I called it an IVF treatment because I didn't know what I was talking about back then. Now that I'm so much more educated in the IVF/FET department I'm sharing my knowledge with all of you! So I can understand why you're confused...it's because I was confused! And if you have any questions about this please ask me after all my hormones have gone back to normal (praying it's after I'm holding a sweet baby or babies) so that I don't have to cry or shout at you without any warning! ;) J/K feel free to ask questions!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I'm a little like Celine Dion...
but we are A LOT different too! Let's face it, she has a GREAT singing voice, a few houses, an old husband, 3 children, and not to mention...a show in Vegas. I, on the other hand, have no singing voice, one rent house, a young husband, 2 dogs and a fish, and also not to mention...no job!
So I'm guessing you are wondering how we are alike?!
Well, I am VERY grateful that I am a little more "on top of things" than she was and will be doing acupuncture along with our 2nd IVF! ;) For those of you that don't keep up with all the Hollywood scoop...Celine did acupuncture with her 6th IVF and welcomed twin boys! (Celine ~ if you ever read this, CONGRATS on your sweet babies and I'm really not more "on top of things." I don't even have a job!;)
My doctor has put me on birth control pills to help relax all my "baby making parts" and the acupuncture will be starting Thursday, August 18!
If you are a praying person PLEASE join our prayer team, our family, Zach and me as we will be praying for my body to relax and prepare to make lots of healthy eggs!
Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the one who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference. ~ Max Lucado
So I'm guessing you are wondering how we are alike?!
Well, I am VERY grateful that I am a little more "on top of things" than she was and will be doing acupuncture along with our 2nd IVF! ;) For those of you that don't keep up with all the Hollywood scoop...Celine did acupuncture with her 6th IVF and welcomed twin boys! (Celine ~ if you ever read this, CONGRATS on your sweet babies and I'm really not more "on top of things." I don't even have a job!;)
My doctor has put me on birth control pills to help relax all my "baby making parts" and the acupuncture will be starting Thursday, August 18!
If you are a praying person PLEASE join our prayer team, our family, Zach and me as we will be praying for my body to relax and prepare to make lots of healthy eggs!
Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the one who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference. ~ Max Lucado
Monday, June 13, 2011
from the get-go to the oh-no!
I'm not sure how or why I am sitting at the computer starting a blog instead of being curled up in the fetal position crying my eyes out and shouting at God for not giving ME what WE want! Today is the day that I have been waiting for since Wednesday, June 1...it's blood work day to see if our little "blasts" decided to start growing into sweet little baby Ehlers after their long journey down the IVF tube. As you guessed (hints the I should be crying and shouting) the result came back negative. :(
But before we get into what's happening today I should take you back to 3 1/2 years ago when we thought baby making was going to be a FUN, EASY and FREE journey for the newly married Ehlers couple! God had other plans! Nine months of trying on our own was a great time but each month ended with a negative test. So the FUN turned into 'dysFUNctional', the EASY turned into 'giving myself shots in the tummy is very EASY', and the FREE turned into 'Dear God, please let me produce enough milk to breast feed these babies until they start Kindergarten and can qualify for FREE lunches, please let them be great communicators so that they can talk one of the four sets of grandparents into buying them a car, and please let them be smart and/or athlete so that they will get a scholarship to college.'
We knew that we didn't want to raise a family in the Dallas area but we thought for sure we can start our family there and then move to a smaller town before they started school. We were so egg-cited to start treatments with my OB/GYN and even more excited when we found out that our second IUI worked! May 6, 2009 we found out we were pregnant and everything looked great! Sadly our egg-citement ended with a miscarriage. After another failed IUI we switched to a fertility doctor in Dallas.
I got through this very difficult time with the help of some wonderful, Watermark (our church) ladies that had started a bible study for ladies in this kind of situation, Shiloh.
This meant that I would be driving into Dallas for every appointment. The distance was going to cause a huge problem for me because I didn't want to take off work that much and I didn't want to ask the other 1st grade teachers for help with "my kiddos." For some reason I didn't want anyone to know what we were going through. As the months went on I cautiously started letting the teachers on my team into my fertility struggles. Thankfully they stepped right in and took my kids where they needed to be so that I could run to my doctors appointments. (They were lifesavers!) Treatments started again in November and on the 18th YAY!!!! pregnant again!!!!! Yet again we find ourselves struggling with another miscarriage. "God, what is wrong with me?" Throughout that time I found Isaiah 55:9 comforting. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I was headed down hill, even though this verse was in the back of my mind. So many of our friends and family were lifting us up in prayer and trying to comfort us during this sad holiday season. I was there and "smiling" but having no part of it.
I pulled away from everyone except my 22 little 1st graders. Two couples from our church spoke with Zach and he spilled the beans. I was so upset with for telling our close friends what bad shape I was in but then on the other hand I was hoping to be "normal" again soon. The girls in our group set up a time a for them to "get on to me" for acting so distant and as mad as I was about it opened all of our eyes to the way we needed pray for each other and we got closer because of it.
My doctor and I discussed a taking break and relaxing. I started acupuncture (GREAT! if you get the chance, go!), started drinking 1-2 glasses of red wine a night (acupuncture orders;) and started feeling like me again! Finally! We did a couple more IUI treatments with our Dallas doctor but all ended with negative tests.
As we were TTC (trying to conceive) Zach has also been trying to get into the San Antonio Fire Department, I'm guessing he thought my crazy could handle a little more. After passing tons of tests he is finally excepted! This means I have quit my teaching job, we are packing up our house, leaving this fertility doctor and starting all over! Not to mention we are moving in with my in-laws and will be sleeping in the comfort of bunk beds! YES you read that correctly....bunk beds! ;)
Here we are, living in the smaller town just like we thought we would be but we have no little ones to enjoy it with us! My plan was to sub for a year, "get my foot in the door" and then I would have no problem getting a teaching job. I'm sure that you can figure out how well that plan has worked out for me due to all the budget cuts. "God, what is your plan?" And once again my heart fills with "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
On the other hand we have found a great fertility center in San Antonio and Firefighters have incredible insurance. We have now gone through two IVF cycles, both sadly ending with a negative result.
So here I am sitting, typing, not crying and having NO IDEA what's going to come next but praying that God's baby plan for the us will happen VERY soon! Right now my heart is filled with 1 Peter 5:10-11. "And, after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace who called you to His eternal glory in Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To HIM belongs the power forever. Amen"
But before we get into what's happening today I should take you back to 3 1/2 years ago when we thought baby making was going to be a FUN, EASY and FREE journey for the newly married Ehlers couple! God had other plans! Nine months of trying on our own was a great time but each month ended with a negative test. So the FUN turned into 'dysFUNctional', the EASY turned into 'giving myself shots in the tummy is very EASY', and the FREE turned into 'Dear God, please let me produce enough milk to breast feed these babies until they start Kindergarten and can qualify for FREE lunches, please let them be great communicators so that they can talk one of the four sets of grandparents into buying them a car, and please let them be smart and/or athlete so that they will get a scholarship to college.'
We knew that we didn't want to raise a family in the Dallas area but we thought for sure we can start our family there and then move to a smaller town before they started school. We were so egg-cited to start treatments with my OB/GYN and even more excited when we found out that our second IUI worked! May 6, 2009 we found out we were pregnant and everything looked great! Sadly our egg-citement ended with a miscarriage. After another failed IUI we switched to a fertility doctor in Dallas.
I got through this very difficult time with the help of some wonderful, Watermark (our church) ladies that had started a bible study for ladies in this kind of situation, Shiloh.
This meant that I would be driving into Dallas for every appointment. The distance was going to cause a huge problem for me because I didn't want to take off work that much and I didn't want to ask the other 1st grade teachers for help with "my kiddos." For some reason I didn't want anyone to know what we were going through. As the months went on I cautiously started letting the teachers on my team into my fertility struggles. Thankfully they stepped right in and took my kids where they needed to be so that I could run to my doctors appointments. (They were lifesavers!) Treatments started again in November and on the 18th YAY!!!! pregnant again!!!!! Yet again we find ourselves struggling with another miscarriage. "God, what is wrong with me?" Throughout that time I found Isaiah 55:9 comforting. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I was headed down hill, even though this verse was in the back of my mind. So many of our friends and family were lifting us up in prayer and trying to comfort us during this sad holiday season. I was there and "smiling" but having no part of it.
I pulled away from everyone except my 22 little 1st graders. Two couples from our church spoke with Zach and he spilled the beans. I was so upset with for telling our close friends what bad shape I was in but then on the other hand I was hoping to be "normal" again soon. The girls in our group set up a time a for them to "get on to me" for acting so distant and as mad as I was about it opened all of our eyes to the way we needed pray for each other and we got closer because of it.
My doctor and I discussed a taking break and relaxing. I started acupuncture (GREAT! if you get the chance, go!), started drinking 1-2 glasses of red wine a night (acupuncture orders;) and started feeling like me again! Finally! We did a couple more IUI treatments with our Dallas doctor but all ended with negative tests.
As we were TTC (trying to conceive) Zach has also been trying to get into the San Antonio Fire Department, I'm guessing he thought my crazy could handle a little more. After passing tons of tests he is finally excepted! This means I have quit my teaching job, we are packing up our house, leaving this fertility doctor and starting all over! Not to mention we are moving in with my in-laws and will be sleeping in the comfort of bunk beds! YES you read that correctly....bunk beds! ;)
Here we are, living in the smaller town just like we thought we would be but we have no little ones to enjoy it with us! My plan was to sub for a year, "get my foot in the door" and then I would have no problem getting a teaching job. I'm sure that you can figure out how well that plan has worked out for me due to all the budget cuts. "God, what is your plan?" And once again my heart fills with "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
On the other hand we have found a great fertility center in San Antonio and Firefighters have incredible insurance. We have now gone through two IVF cycles, both sadly ending with a negative result.
So here I am sitting, typing, not crying and having NO IDEA what's going to come next but praying that God's baby plan for the us will happen VERY soon! Right now my heart is filled with 1 Peter 5:10-11. "And, after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace who called you to His eternal glory in Christ will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To HIM belongs the power forever. Amen"
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